stories about the type of people that end up on vh1 reality shows,but not about the people themselves

here are some headlines i have discovered over the past week or so:

• Burger King Employee Takes Bath in Sink, Feels Wrath of Health Department
• Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench
• Cheetos Trail Leads Cops to Vending Machine Burglars

fuck the stories. i could link,but i think this says enough.